LooseCanon

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before,

Or else I am awake for the first time, and all before has

been a mean sleep.

Walt Whitman

First a bit about the universe..

Our realm, the physical universe..The ’stage front’ our lives are played out on..

Subject to the laws of physics, including space, time, and causation are real…

They are not an illusion of our limited perception. They do exist.

What eastern philosophy is trying to hammer home is that,

the physical universe is only a part of the universe as a whole..

The rest of the universe, for lack of a better illustration, is the ‘back stage’ portion of the universe..

This ‘back stage’ portion of the universe is where the physical universe was conceptualized..

The ‘back stage’ part of the universe is the womb of the physical universe.

Where as the physical universe is made tangible by the creation of atoms..

The ‘back stage’ portion of the universe is and has always existed infinitely, as non matter..

Some people confuse non matter with nothingness…

Non matter is simply that which exists not formed of matter.

Example: Every time you ‘think’ you are tapping a part of the universe that is non matter.

The fact that you have the ability to ‘think’ is proof that the ‘back stage’ portion of the universe is also real, and not

just the rambling of an insane rational.

The process by which human beings perceive the physical universe, and the ‘back stage’ portion of the universe is through

awareness or conscience ness…One device by which human beings judge the validity of their perception of the universe is through the use of rational thought.

Rational thought is a tool of the human intellect.

Most commonly used during a state of conscience termed ‘waking conscience’.

Eastern philosophy advises that at whatever level of conscience or awareness

a human being is perceiving the physical and ‘backstage’ portions of the universe, that level will dictate the perception the human receives.Although the tool of human intellect has given mankind the ability to survive and flourish in the ’stage front’ portion of the universe, eastern philosophy warns mankind that the very tool of our intellect is

also working against us as spiritual beings.C

louding our ability to recognize the reality of the ‘backstage’ portion of the universe and it’s overall greater meaning in our lives.It is after all, where the physical universe came from.

Eastern philosophy offers mankind (at no charge) the tools to out wit the constraints of the intellect.

That mankind may better understand, the true nature of the universe as a whole, and of human beings unity with the universe as a whole..

Eastern philosophy maintains that human beings are in truth, spiritual beings that transcend the physical universe..

Eastern philosophy maintains that the spiritual nature of human beings is one with the ‘backstage’ portion of the universe..

Eastern philosophy maintains that the essence that is the whole universe is the same identical essence human beings are constructed of..

By it’s very nature of wholeness, within every human being, exists the universe as a whole.

I am using human kind as an example..Eastern philosophy extends this same concept to all that is in existance.

In an effort to understand the importance of the levels of conscience as they apply to the perception of the individual and that individual’s building of a life value system:

The seven levels of awareness

Deep sleep

:

The first level of awareness..

During deep sleep the intellect is disengaged.

The self is still present..Silent..In a state of surveillance…

This is experienced when for example someone says to a woman

who is in deep sleep.

“Your child needs you”..

The immediate response of the Mother waking to full waking conscience is an example that the ’self’ is still present during the state of deep sleep.

Dream state:

Like going to a really good movie and getting lost in the movie..

The drama and meanings of life in this state are real and valid..

Wars are won and lost, victories for and against the greater good are played out on this stage..This state of awareness is the main event in the history of human beings..

It is rich in wonder and fabric…It is fine..

Again the point is….This state of reality is not all there is…

Just as is the case with the previous dream state..

You can not gain insight to the ‘

intellects weavings of reality’ as long as you remain in the present state..Just as in the dream state the insight of the illusionary nature of the state is only realized when one removes them self from the current state and wakes to a higher level of awareness..

It’s is here at this level of awareness I promised (per the blog “Compatibility”) to share an exercise that one may practice to

experience the next level of awareness..The silent witness:

.S

ees the totality of the universe existing within the bird..Sees the universe through the bird.

Seventh state of awareness

one self from daily normal life activities to attain higher levels of awareness.It is not even something that one needs to attain.

you all ready have it..It is already part of you…It is your birth right..

The trick, is in the realization, understanding, and integration of what you have available to you in your life..

That part takes willingness, proper direction, practice, and patience.

If social popularity is truly reflected through the media.

If capitalism holds it’s weight as a measure of the needs and desires of the populous.

You might agree that there are more than a few people out there looking for their soul mate…

Mate, significant other, or better half, as loosely defined within the concept:

An avenue of individual enrichment attainable through the connection of oneness experienced through such a relationship..

Personally,…. heart ache, heart attack, trophy, compromise, triumph, sugar daddy, sugar mama, and lip of insanity are descriptions that also come to mind.

However, I won’t be addressing those at this time..

I am not feeling particularly cynical today, and besides, I really did want this blog to indicate something of a thought containing at least semblance of social value..

As it is fitting that the title of any piece of writing be included in the actual body of the material, I suppose this as good time as any to mention it..

Compatibility

It’s even a long enough word to tie it’s self at both ends somewhere below the tight wire of human relationships to truly be conceived as a safety net.

“You are like me…I am like you….We gonna’ get along fine.”

The problem is,…people want ‘time’ to stop..

Just at the moment they decide to pick their apple of compatibility..

They think, “I am picking my apple at the perfect ripeness of compatibility, and it’s going to somehow stay preserved just like this for my future enjoyment.”

It’s a dilemma.. How can we honestly expect to merge into our future, with all it’s inherent changes that most certainly will take place, while expecting ourselves and our apple to remain preserved, unchanged, from that time in the passed?

Or we think,…”even due certain unavoidable changes in myself and the self of my apple, I checked this out real good, and picked my apple at just the perfect ripeness.

In spite of life’s little twists and turns there is enough compatibility in the perfect ripeness of my apple to cover those unavoidable changes”…

Honestly… I think there is too much emphasis placed on the shoulders of compatibility.

I think there is too little significance placed on the value of oneness that drove you to start looking for an apple in the first place.

Everybody is already compatible…

What?…What did he just say?

Everybody is already compatible.

Ok, I admit it’s time to draw a line in the sand…

Those of you who believe this is not your first time around in life…Keep on reading..

Those of you who believe this is it and your either going home to your God Head, or your going to be existing in a place separated from your God Head…

….Humm…It’s your call.

So,… the universe is like a blender..

You end a lifetime and your essence is mixed back into the blender only to be spit back out here again..

Fun and games…

I am leaving the spiritual evolutionary process out of the loop cuz the fact remains.

We are still here…We haven’t made it to ‘over there’, cuz we’re still here right?

However I digress..

Mean while back at the blender…

Time after time our essence is being mixed up with all the other essences…

After a few eons of living lifetime after lifetime we are so mixed up, we are the essences we’re being mixed back into..

The reality of compatibility isn’t, “You are like me”, “I am like you”….

The reality is, “You are me”, “I am you”…

The reason oneness gravitates to harmony in human relationships is

simply because oneness is the reality of all things that get processed through the blender..

We are all not only a part of the oneness.

We are the oneness.

Relationships fail because we are stuck in the tangled hierarchy of the dream state known as waking conscience…

In this state of awareness we fully and absolutely believe in the concept of the separation of self.

Ooops…There goes the oneness..

It is this very state of awareness that human beings spend the better part of their busy lives building self…

Self worth, self esteem, self determination, self, self ,self..

With every illusionary act of building the concept of individual self, comes the ever widening gap of separation from the true harmonic value of oneness…

It is the separation from oneness that leads to the creation and cultivation of alienation..

It is in fact, the root cause of all human suffering in the world today.

What?…What?…What is the cause of all human suffering in the world today?

The root cause of all human suffering in the world today is Man’s misunderstanding of his true nature in the universe..

The good news is Human kind has the ability to ‘know’ it’s true nature in the universe..

Despite what fundamentalist western religious doctrine claims.

Human’s have the capacity to understand their true nature in the universe because………..

Because, like everything else that exist….We are the universe…We are not only put through the blender…

We are the blender…

We are not only trying to get to that ‘other place’…

We are that other place.

The oneness concept of the universe is contained in the word ‘that’….

I am that…You are that….All this is that….That is all there is..

Next time I write about this subject I will share an exercise with you..

It is a piece of that capacity to ‘know’..

It will allow you to experience for yourself a state of awareness one level above the ‘waking state’ of conscience…

It is this state of awareness Walt Whitman refers to in his quote:

I cannot be awake for nothing looks to me as it did before,

It’s not my fault..I was instigated…

The Pope’s lesson on the necessity to allow God to

make determination of the end of life drove me to it..

“People must accept death at the hour chosen by God”…

Pope Benedict XV1….

I love this Pope…He is a truly compassionate being…

He reminds me of Pope Paul the sixth..Another compassionate being…

Apparently some European countries decision to integrate a more human element of control concerning the issue of euthanasia fueled the Roman Catholic Church’s decision to speak currently on the issue…

Per the Associated Press’s article I read on yahoo…Belgium and The Netherlands have legalized euthanasia, and France is in the midst of renewed debate on the issue..

The teaching of the Church concerning this subject has not changed…It is based on the same sanctity of life, moral view that encompasses the Church’s ‘right to life’ stand on abortion..

Abortion, euthanasia, are social issues today due to seedlings of thought beginning with the cultural revolution of the 1960’s and 70’s…

I believe those seeds have been cultivated by way of technological advances in natural sciences starting in the 1980’s and still gathering momentum as we speak…

Mankind’s horizon’s are no longer manageable by the great Religious Institutions.

Faith, as a viable means of spiritual growth finds it’s self shouting when a whisper would suffice not more than thirty years ago..

As gains in scientific discipline advent the once socially accepted norm ‘we do not have the capacity to know’…begins to crumble and no body can find a legitimate reason to remodel…..

Mankind wants to ‘know’…Mankind has always wanted to know…It is the nature of our beings..

Faith has held the high cards because Mankind has not had sufficient tools in the past to present viable challenge to the ‘we do not have the capacity to know’ ideal…

Questioning is a faith based religion’s greatest concern ..

Let me just make the point, this concern is truly not based out of fear, as is the popular view of those who adhere to the concepts of atheism…

Instead I believe the greater concern is actually based in compassion…

The great religious Institutions want to preserve the ideals of Moralism…

As faith becomes a more questionable means of life value, pressure is placed on the shoulders of religion in regard to how society views their total value…

I was raised a Roman Catholic and my introduction to that faith left with me a great respect for Jesus Christ and his gifts to the world..

Christ was a realist and presented his message to a pre-scientific world…

Christ was also a revolutionary teacher in that he did question the status quo..

I believe in the spirit of Christ and I believe that spirit is here with us today…

I don’t believe he is one to be found crouching in the shadows of fear…It is not his style..

As Mankind breaks away from faith he must do so cautiously…Man kind survived the ice ages due to his ability to remember the value of ‘what got me this far’…Man’s duelist role of both predator and prey instinctively ingrained a common sense of caution..

This is a good thing..

The fact is Religious institutions still have a great value to offer ‘modern man’…Religious Institution have always taken the great and honorable responsibility of leaders and preservers of Morality…

It is this great and solemn responsibility that dictates these institutions move slowly…It is a prerequisite…Man is ADHD…Religion realizes this…Moral code is like a natural resource…Once given up it can not be restored…

Religious Institution realizes it’s own mistakes over the years..It’s own failure at it’s own Moral code…Again, we are all only human…

I agree with the need for checks and balances working in our lives today…

On one hand, I am thrilled at the advances Man is making in the areas of technologies and science..

We are on the brink of something amazing in regards to man’s ability to understand…

It is the self inherent responsibility of those who have chosen to carry the torch of Morality, to insure we venture into that new world together…

I got this big fat letter in the mail today …In big letters it says “HERE’S THAT SECOND CHANCE YOU HOPED FOR LooseCanon”…

I had to stop for a moment and check the return side of it….Make sure it wasn’t from God or somebody important…..

It was from Mutual of Omaha….

That’s an insurance provider right?…..I’ve never done business with them,…ever…

So it was with some amazement I stood there by my rickety mail box on this hot summer afternoon with thunder heads towering up in the east, causing a slight back draft prevailing from my west…I’d been working under the house making a basement storage area ..Just me and my constant companion Violet…My one female cat…In fact…

….That’s her kicking’ back while I write this thing still fresh in my mind…

I came up from under the house for some air, and the breeze by the mail box felt fine as it dried up the sweat on my chrome dome and shoulders…It’s one of those freebies in life I try to make note of when ever it occurs…

So, Mutual of Omaha claims to have the second chance I’ve been hoping for….Got to love modern technology…How those guys could manage not only to ‘know’ what the second chance I’ve been hoping for was,… but to fit it into an envelope small enough to slip inside my mail box….I am impressed…

I figure I am going to be even more impressed when I finally open the envelope up…Reminds me Johnny Carson doing Carnac the Magnificent….

Like I said I’ve never had any dealings with the company…

Yea, I know the obvious..They are about insurance…Security….Including life insurance…

The kind of insurance that some how appeals to our fear of death..

Insuring a kind of concrete knowledge that for at least while the benefactors are ‘in the money’, you are still ,’in the show’,…beyond the grave…

….A positive haunting…..

It temporarily beats back the finality of death…….You know, the thing that scares the shit out of us and makes us ‘governable’…..

Life of the party LooseCanon,…..

Only thing I know about Mutual of Omaha is they sponsor that ‘Wild Kingdom’ show on television….It originated in 1963 and the host was Marlin Perkins..

The show was great…..Lots of education about how the other beings on the planet survive and find fulfillment…

It seems to me strange logic that a insurance company would sponsor documentary style television promoting nature’s natural selection process..If anything, a fundamental denominator of all creatures surviving the wild is the absolute knowledge life holds no security….

When an insurance company pays out a claim it’s only the monetary portion of the loss that’s covered..For example, when a subscriber loses their home to fire or flood the best case scenario would be the insurance funds cover complete rebuilding of the structure..

Insurance programs have no means to cover the emotional trauma such a disaster entails…

I was reading recently an article entitled, ‘Our Lives, Controlled From Some Guy’s Couch’ http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/14/science/14tier.html that suggests we may in fact be living in someone else’s ‘Matrix’….This hypothesis is based on the current standard of virtual technology weighting it against the short time it has taken virtual technology to arrive at it’s current state…

I figure it’s just a matter of time before we see insurance companies advertising a policy that guarantees total protection from the events we now insure ourselves against…Initially the policy will be expensive, just to pay for all that software..

However in time, I expect it will become mandatory ‘State law’ for all citizens to carry such a policy…After all, the burden tax payers are shelling out to support ’social programs’ would be eliminated in a flash if nothing ‘bad’ ever happened..

So, what you think?…Has the future of insurance already arrived?…

Is it possible the ’second chance’ I’ve been waiting for is in fact the program I described, waiting for me inside this large envelope needing only my simple signature (and credit card number of course) on the dotted line?

I’m getting excited!..Are you getting excited? I am definitely getting excited!

I’m tearing this baby open man!…Oh shit…

I forgot…

I got laid off last week and my credit card is max’d out!

Opening this little slice of heaven is just gonna’ get me all depressed…

Well, hell…Story of my life..And to think I missed my second chance by that….much…

It’s ok though, cuz I bet you all are going to get one of these envelopes in your mailbox too!..Yeah, I mean come on, it’s not like I am special or anything…I bet Mutual of Omaha wants everybody to get in on this deal!

Wow, I got to admit, I feel pretty good knowing there’s so many folks out there going to get the ’second chance they have been hoping for’….

Today is Saturday and I am off work….Came, —- that close to hooking up off one of my dating sites.

Man she was hot too…..Forty five, (robbin the craddle for me) petite.

Her profile pic she’s layin on a bed with some kind of skimpy night gown showing most of her pear shaped mouth fulls, and the night gown ridin up exposing the most beautiful sculptured shanks goin.

Life would be so much easier if I’d learn to masturbate….I used to know how…

When I was eight I fell in love for the first time and after several years of…..amazingly similar emotions that I feel today, at age eleven I discovered masturbation….

It’s fine, until you’ve had the ‘real deal’. After that…. it’s not fine…

It’s a house of cards, a cheat, a let down…

So if anybody wants to know what it’s like to be horny all the time just ask….

If some medical research outfit is looking for ‘horny all the time’ subjects to do clinical studies on…. (free drugs included)….I am your huckleberry.

Honestly, at my age bein horny all the time keeps a man alive…..

All that testosterone building up down there must like,leak into the blood stream affecting ones entire body and state of mind…

I think it’s some kind of natural fountain of youth deal…

Used to have ‘wet dreams’ which are another form of cheat, but one where you can honestly say, ….’It wasn’t me’…. when you wake up…

Those days are gone too…I don’t dream at all anymore cuz by the time I go to sleep I’m too exhausted to dream….Being horny all the time really takes it out of ya…..

Anyway, being a relatively reflexive personality, I try to use my situation as a positive vehicle in my every day life…………”What”?…………”Have I tried what”?…….

No I don’t ‘do’ mail boxes, vacuum cleaners, or garbage cans!….

Jesus!….What kind of guy do you take me for?…..

What I mean is, I’ve tried to take it to another level.

Like how I address the general public when at work…It’s a kind of spiritual exploration for me…

It’s living in the moment and trying to make a point to ‘love’ in that moment weather it’s communicating with another person, or doing a routine job function…

Taking an extra step to lovingly finish up at work instead of just getting it done.

Or catching myself being…you know, (if you’ve read my stuff)….myself…

Adjusting my attitude to a more diversive acceptance of others…

The more I practice this sort of ‘Zen’ approach to daily living the more I realize a definite division in my natural makeup as a person….

I am a Doctor Jeckel, Mr. Hide….

A candidate for saint hood, and the devils advocate all rolled up in one.

Put through a blender..Spit out the end, landing on the kitchen floor, cuz somebody forgot to put a decent rubber washer on the business end of the contraption…

Why am I bothering tellin you this?…..

What the hell do you care?….Why would you even want to continue read this boring crap about me ranting on and on about ME?….

What kind of purely self centered, self promoting, botheration, has the nerve to post this stuff for the world to see?

And why are you still reading?……Don’t you have a blog to go write or something?

….Now, that right there……….That’s the ‘dark side’ of LooseCanon….

I wanted to post this in hopes others that read it would maybe take time to give pause…

Just for a moment.

Contemplate,… the yin, yang, positive, negative mixing of energies that energizes every aspect of the universe, and plays such a vital part of our lives….

I for one have found it to be a tool, a reminder, that every waking moment of our lives, we have a choice…

I don’t know where the saying came from.. ‘Men are attractive to women at any age’.

It’s complete crap…On the flip side, women like it or not ladies, are a sex object in the minds and loins of men…

The whole concept that all women are uniquely beautiful is in reality, only skin deep…

…The older we are, the less likely we’re going to fit the ‘hottie’ criteria…Even with the older crowd…

The problem is, we humans have a long memory…

Older guys remember the hour glass figures of the women they used to know…

Women remember flat stomachs, bulging muscles, heads full of hair, combined with passion filled nights, and snore less repose.

Maybe it happens so fast we don’t have time to grow up to it…

It’s not our fault..We get older quicker than our sex drive…

We recognize what is happening and fight back the best we can….

Lube up…Tone up…Make up…Our medicine cabinets, once practicality empty are now filled to the brim with ‘weapons’..

I’ve got male enhancers, viagra, Revita lift, potassium gluconate, pearl drops, aloe moisturizer, collagen, to name a few..

The male enhancers and viagra are just in case the other stuff happens to work…

It doesn’t though..

We are left trying to lurer the opposite sex with pathetic soapboxes like, ’sensitivity’, ‘modern thinking’, ‘knows how to treat a lady’, ‘honesty’, ’sincerity’, ’stability’, blah, blah, blah…

We are the used up…The has been…The rotting…The left behind…

We just don’t want to admit it….I read it all the time…”I love who I am”, “I love my life”, “I don’t ‘need’ anyone”…I read it on every lonely hearts dating site I subscribe to …”Not sure what I am doing here”….”Just curious”….

The ones that introduce themselves as “Ready to take a chance” have the right attitude though..

There’s nothing new out there folks…

There is no ‘different way’ to play the game…Your age and experience aren’t going to protect you from the pitfalls of your youth…

Your youth was only a moment ago…

Really now, just how grown up do you think you are?

Your going to get hurt…Your going to do some hurting…Your going to be disappointed…Your going to disappoint…

So what?…That’s life…That’s love…That’s people…We older folk got to accept it…

If we want love, if we want to be a part of the ‘now’ we’ve got to take the experience we have stockpiled and utilize it to our advantage…

We are already ahead in the game..

We know…..

In the end,….it’s going to end…The romance, the glow, the ’special abstraction’ ends…

So what?….You boo hoo, you blow your nose, you move on…(Always wanted to use that line from ‘for Richer of Poorer’.)

What’s the option?…Sit around talking about ‘Glory days’?….

Safe and comfortable in our little world of memories?….

Indulge ourselves in our kid’s lives so we can feel filled up?…

Age is relative…In the greater scheme of time, all things alive today are of the same ‘age’…

Society and culture put divisions, dividers, categories, terminologies, judgements, on age…

It’s the result of buying into chronological time…There is no such thing…

It’s an invention of the human mind…

A convenience that has led us down a spiraling narrow minded end…

The concept of chronological time has spilled over to saturate and pollute the very fiber of our existence..

Who needs to be reminded every 365 days your another ‘year’ older?…

Another year less valuable than the previous year?…

Screw that…

Ok, so I am rambling…It’s my blog ain’t it?…

It just bugs me that because we get older we are conditioned, trained, expected to be,…shadows…

I always wanted a Viking funeral…To go out in a ball of fire…

I for one am not ready for a funeral..However, that ball of fire?…Yea, that one I am up for…

I am the kind a guy who wakes up in the morning and feels invincible..

Like there is nothing I can’t do…

I’ve been known to remodel an entire room in the house before anybody else wakes up…

Yep, the energizer bunny…That’s me.

Only problem is I’m not invincible.

In fact, the same guy that wakes up everyday with a constant hard on, is the same guy who last night just before he snuffed out his last cigarette of the day, lit the filter end by mistake.

My latest scheme was to take two disabled women in wheelchairs for an outing to Balboa Park.

That’s in San Diego. Next to the zoo.

The women are living in a Skilled Nursing Facility (nursing home) in a suburb of Diego.

I didn’t just walk in and pick out two strangers either.

Which to my credit means I actually gave this idea some forethought instead of doing my usual ‘fools rush in’ approach.

One of the women’s name is Shirley and the other is Donna…..

Shirley is sixty two years and Donna is maybe forty five.

Donna is a slim five nine redhead with milk white skin and big blue eyes that…..adore me…

Shirley is five seven and about two hundred pounds…

Both of these women are spiritually evolved souls..

Even with all they must bear at this time of their lives they can still laugh, smile, and appreciate…

What they have in common is that they are room mates in the facility,….and me.

Donna has lived in this home for five years….

Shirley for six weeks.

Shirley is my divorced wife….

Divorced from marriage, however still the best of friends.

I have been blessed with her friendship for over twenty years, and am much the better for knowing her…

Donna on the other hand is a stranger.

The first day Shirley became a resident I visited and learned that in the entire five years Donna has lived at this facility she had never once been outside.

She didn’t trust the staff or the other residences to risk being forgotten and had bad visions of expiring outside in the courtyard alone in the dark… Just Donna and her wheel chair…

That changed the first day I visited…

For some unknown reason Donna trusted me from the first moment…

I told her I was taking Shirley outside so she could enjoy a cigarette and would Donna like to go outside also?….

She immediately said “yes please” in her soft as a mouse voice…

I swear to God, no less than fifty people at the home were rubber necking, and commenting that “Donna is going outside” as we wheeled our way to the outer door.

I visit every other day to the home and Donna always goes outside.

Once a week, usually Thursday, I bring the two ladies food from the outside world.

This is a big deal cuz it’s what ever they order….

Donna is a Italian food lover, and Shirley usually orders Chinese.

I got them Direct TV for their room. Each has their own receiver so they can channel jockey with out annoying one another.

Enough stroking my own ego (somebody needs to slap me sometimes) and back to the Balboa Park outing.

Or should I be honest here and call it what it was?…

Fiasco..comes to mind….

Shirley can walk…I mean she can get from her wheelchair into and out of a car pretty much independently….

Not the case with Donna…She weights only about 120 lbs. So no big deal right?….

This is what I mean about me, waking up feeling invincible…..

I wore a back brace that day…

I am not completely out of touch with reality….

Hurt my back several years ago while working as a landscaper and have learned the hard way how to protect myself.

I was ok picking her up out of the chair, but leaning over to get her into the front seat of my Honda….

The roof is too low man, and I really banged the hell out of my forehead cuz I was so worried about my fragile package…

I saw stars and think I made a quick loop around the universe and back before I grabbed the door to steady myself……

Really smooth LooseCanon….

So I get in the car right? My hands are shaking, my head is throbbing, and now I know just how Donna feels about going ‘outside’.

Anyway, I blow it off cuz I am a man and I don’t want to freak out two already freaked out girls…

I mean, it wouldn’t be cool,..and I am always about the cool…

No brag, just fact.

We get to Balboa Park, and it’s a nice day.

Big white clouds mixed with blue skies, a soft breeze, not cold at all.

I park next to the zoo entrance cuz, always thinking ahead, I know the lanes into the park here are pretty level.

Shirley has assured me she can scoot along using her feet as propellers.

I just have to manage Donna’s wheelchair and get Shirl out of the occasional bad spot.

We hit the Spanish Arts Center, one of my favorite haunts…

Lots of artisans hanging out in quaint little shops with the coolest stuff made from anything from tree bark to exotic gold jewelry. The folks working these art galleries are always busy doing their thing, and come on to you real lay back and mellow…..

I’ve done this kind of thing in a past period of my life and I can tell you…

They are really sweating it inside. Hoping against hope your going to buy something, any damn thing so they don’t have to close up later feeling totally depressed.

It a tough, scary, insecure, way to go…Man, I got so much respect for all of them…

Donna is in a lot more pain than I realized…

The foot square tile pavers all over the Spanish Art Center are bumpy and she feels everyone.

It must have shaken something loose cuz next thing I know, ….she’s got to “pee”…….

Like I said Donna is a stranger, and Shirley,…God bless her, can be of no help on this one…..

I think it safe to say Donna and I are no longer strangers after today.

We tooled around and made it over to the Organ Pavilion.

I am sweating by now as it turns out there are no actual level spots at Balboa Park.

It just appears that way to the casual visitor, the untrained eye, or those that think their invincible…

The girls are munching on tacos and sodas while I lay down on some really pretty green lawn.

You can’t really appreciate all grass has to offer until you lay down on your back, resting your bones..Looking at the faces in the clouds peering back at you with a big “I told you so” grin on their faces.

The girls ask me why I am not eating with them….Like I am disin’ them or something…Kind a pouty..

Like I just turn down sex with em or something….

…I tell em I ain’t hungry…

Truth is I am afraid I’ll puke cuz I am tired, hot, and horny, but not for them…

I just want to get done with this whole thing and go home….

It’s cruel to the capacitated when the disabled try to show how much they can do for them selves…

Yea, I know, it’s a self esteem thing and all…

In this case however, a woman’s got to know her limitations. Shirley is always pulling this and it aggravates me cuz ninety percent of the time it escalates into a hassle.

I don’t mean between us, we actually hardly ever fight.

In all our years together we only had one major blow out….

I mean, it causes complications..

On one hand it’s healthy for her and I’ve got to grow up to it….

On the other, it wears me out…

I am laying on the grass right?

Catching my breath, resting my eyes, slowing down the heart rate.

Feeling the sweat on my brow drying up when I hear the soft mouse voice of Donna calling my name…

She doesn’t have a lot of emotion in that voice I must say…

I casually answer “yea?”, and after a couple of seconds I look up to her pointing a rail thin arm toward the horizon…

First I think she playing ‘let’s make a sundial’.

Being a smart enough fella I look where she’s referring and see Shirley’s run away wheel chair hauling down a thirty percent grade…

Napkins flying off, taco wrapping flapping in the wind. Paper plate laying next to the trash can she felt compelled to discard her used utilities into…’All by her self’….

I caught up to her..My left knee will never be the same.

A nice guy saw the whole thing going down before I ever got off the grass and saved the day….

I am thanking the guy, Shirley is crying and thanking the guy, and I am noticing how my damn knee is giving me the third degree…

Like there’s just bone on bone holding it together when I put weight on it….

Anyway the nice guy and his girlfriend go strutting off..(he’s getting some tonight, I can tell)……

I get,….. to push Shirley (that’s the two hundred pound Shirley) back up the hill…

……God hates me.

Yep, some guys feed their male ego with quads, dune buggies, dirt bikes, toy haulers, high performance trucks and motorhomes, and that’s just for the desert season.

Summertime the ‘river rat’ crowd takes the lead with jet skis, power boats, and God knows what all.

Half the fun is tooling up the road showin off the toys. I bet these guys get a hard on every time they pass a rig ‘less than’.

What can i say, i am just as guilty.

My thing is vacuum cleaners.

Yea,i admit it, i’m a vacuum cleaner junkie.

Buy probably three or four used ones a year. Got to, cuz I am real tough on em. No mercy.

Any given day one can see me blastin around the house drivin one of these big dogs, doin wheelies, dounuts, bashin in to walls, suckin it up baby, big time.

Take for instance this little slice of heaven i just picked up for fifteen bucks!

A bad ass DIRT DEVIL with high performance 12 amp power plant, hepa filter, bagless technology, swivel casters, and canister accessories all standard! Not to mention the wide angle headlight.

I think i’m gettin an erection!

I took this sweetheart for a test drive this mornin after cleaning and polishing it’s illustrious hunter green body, and wow what a rush! Made my entire day by 8:30 am!

Yep, I am a material boy livin in a material world.

The planet Saturn is blowin’ everybody away right now. 20 years ago Voyager 1 and 2 saw a perfect hexagon shape 1,500 miles wide over the north pole of the planet. This is a bit strange cuz there is a constant grand a mile per hour hurricane blowin on Saturn every day. The South pole looks fine, or like it should, you know, a huge eye of the huricane circular in shape, like what you’d expect.

First NASA scientists figured the hexagon at the north was just a fluke, or like a mirage playing with our limited perceptions. The bets are off now with the new Cassini spacecraft shootin pictures of the north pole and the hexagon is still there.

“We haven’t seen a (geometric) feature like this anywhere else on any other planet,” said Cassini scientist Kevin Baines of the NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory. “It’s unbelievable.”

I figure the Saturnites must be freakin out right now. They go and spend all this time and money to create the ultimate “keep out” sign by manufacturing and maintaining a hurricane like condition on the face of the planet so off worlders like us will take a peek and say “too windy” then move on. There’s no doubt in my mind they know we’re lookin. I mean come on, the center of the hexagon has no wind at all and its a straight shot down the funnel to the interior of the planet. Those guys are lookin up at our spacecraft shootin pictures, tryin to figure out if the piece of garbage floatin around their planet is going to fall right through the hexagon and hit them in the head.

Da shit’ah goin’ah hit da fan’ah if we don’t at least ask if we can “poke” around in somebody’s back yard.

Didn’t one of those Voyager spacecraft like,…suddenly crash..or disappear? Maybe I am thinkin of one of the Mars probes….Probably got them pissed at us too.

You can check this out at Discovery.com and draw your own conclusions.

I think it’s kind of strange that one of Saturn’s moon’s Enceladus is “opening up” blowin out huge plumes of ice and water into space.

www.saturndaily.com

Like if we had the capasity to stage our millitary defenses on our Moon instead of painting big bull’s eye targets on our underground silo’s in Colorado, wouldn’t we do it?

Man those Saturnites got to be some cold blooded folk…That big bitch is like..out there, man, far away from the warm rays of the Sun. I got it! Maybe we’ll luck out on this deal….You know like in War of the Worlds, the aliens couldn’t handle the bacteria around here…..Maybe when the Saturnites invade us they will like….just melt.